sorry for spamming, self

At this rate I'm going to end up with 10 entries for today alone. I can't help it, even though I pretty much lost all of my writings, I still have like 50+ lurking somewhere in my notepad apps, drafts, unsent items.

Yes I tend to type shit I wanted to tell people I'm never talking to again and never send them. Sometimes the app doesn't delete the "draft" and I discover them unsent years later. 

It's fine though. It's fine. It always is.

Since I'm going to be alone soon, I decided to go back to my first love -- writing. I'm not any good lmao, but I do have a lot to say. I don't need anyone to read it either. I just need to post them somewhere. Maybeeeee for when I'm gone? No not really. Last time I tried to off myself, I didn't bother with a note and only really very lowkey told one person.

Honestly I have no idea how I survived that HAHAHAHA. If I run for 5 minutes my lungs burn and my body shuts down. I took 3 months worth of SSRIs and somehow made it out alive with no organ failure or whatever. Jesus Christ.

I'm going off on a tangent here, sorry.

Anyway, I plan to make a poetry chapbook or a zine. I'll fill it with my (sometimes useless) writing and some dramatic drawings. My drawings aren't all cutesy and happy, you know. I'll sell it alongside my cutesy shit and maybe label it "Sobby Days" since my brand is freaking "Happy Days" hahahaha.

I knew it was a bad idea having a positive brand name. No room for duality. LIKE AT ALL.

But yes, since I'm going to be alone, I might as well log my thoughts somewhere. 

I told my ex I had to kill the romantic part of me in order to keep up with his realist and pragmatic self. I'm reclaiming that part of me that I lost. Because fuck that, and fuck men.

At the risk of going off on another tangent here, I'm logging off. Might go back and add poems but idk. TTYL.